Vague is Better Than Nothing...

Today, while chatting with my best friend, and perusing Wikipedia at random, I found out that one of my favorite classical pieces, Chopin's Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, was composed when Frederic Chopin was only 20 years old. That got me thinking: I just turned 20 years old; how amazing would that be if I could accomplish something even half that epic? So I decided to make a goal for myself: in the remaining 11 months of my 20th year, I want to do at least one thing that I can be truly proud of. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not on a quest for vanity and pride, or looking to make myself look important, but rather, I am looking to start trying. At the moment, there is little more to my life than being a barista. I'm definitely looking to change that. I'd like to do something that will make my life, and hopefully the lives of those around me, even a little bit better. Now, I don't as of yet have really ANY clue as to what I'll be doing to accomplish that goal, but I feel it's best to leave the guidelines broad. I figure even if you're shooting in the dark, if you shoot enough places, you'll eventually hit something. So here goes: here's to making the world a more epic place, one random thing at a time.

Save Me, I'm Lost. Oh, Lord, I've Been Waiting For You.

I am a restless person. I like to travel. I'm not fond of routine, and I can't fathom staying in one situation too long. I always want something to look forward to, some goal to push toward, and some inkling of what to do next. So now that I've come to a place in my life where everything is the opposite of what I've just described, I feel trapped. I am aimless. I have no idea what my next step is. I have things that I want, but no idea of how to obtain them. I feel like I can't take a step in any direction because I wouldn't know which direction to take. I don't even know where to start. I know there is more than this, and I know that there is more to life than being aimless. I know my life has a purpose. Something needs to change, but I don't have the means to do so. So there you are. That is my rant for the day. I now intend to go throw myself into a project and try to find meaning to this Limbo. Cheers.

Love is All You Need

One day, someone I didn't know asked me, "What is your religion?" Not wanting to go into a long soliloquy about how I believe like a Christian, but have so many issues with the modern church that I hesitate to identify myself as one, I simply said, "Love." Luckily, they pressed no further (with the exception of a "May Jesus bless you!" at the end of our conversation, said as if a plea for my soul), but I started thinking about it more extensively than I had before. God is love. We are to be like Him, so we, too, are to be love. It's not that hard. We are commanded to love God with all our hearts, and to love our neighbor as ourself. It may just be my hippie sensibilities, but I can see nothing more important. Think about it. Imagine if we all lived by those two things in every aspect of our lives. What kind of world would this be if we each selflessly showed infinite respect to each person, just because we are all God's creations?

I'd like to make myself believe....

It would seem that few thing make one ponder their life more than when something terrible happens. This week, I was in my first car accident. I've been in the car when accidents have occurred, but never before was I the driver. So I've been thinking about a lot of things. Apart from the initial stress of the whole ordeal, my mind wanders (as it often does) to my future- something about which I am fairly aimless. So I came to the conclusion that I'm so aimless that I'm not even sure what all I want from life in the near-ish future. And since I have a particular fondness for lists, I decided to try and compose a list of some of the things I want. Not sure why I decided to share here for anyone to see, but I have this blog, so I may as well use it.

So here goes:

*I want to get married in the next few years. I'm not one of those girls who believes she needs a man to be happy. I'm just at a point in my life where that sounds like a nice step to take.

*I want to move to the beach at some point.

*I want to be able to sell some of my art somehow.

*One of the biggest things I want is to travel. That is one of my biggest dreams of all: to travel the world. See and experience all that I can.

Sadly, that's about all I can think of at the moment. I will definitely be adding to this list, but the current length (or lack thereof) only serves to illustrate my point: I'm a little aimless. So cheers. Here's to the soul searching to follow.

May as well start at the beginning.

I never thought I'd do this. Blog, that is. Somehow I always thought it was strange to put one's thoughts up like this for all to see. But, for whatever reason, it feels like I should now. So here I am. I never really kept up with a journal with much regularity, but perhaps this will persuade me to write more like I should.

Like many blogs, I think I'll make my first entry an introductory one. Hello. My name is...classified for the moment. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with this whole thing yet. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the most "normal" of all people...whatever that is. I like it that way. I am just a few short days away from my 20th birthday. I just finished one chapter of my life, an I'm waiting on the next. That's where I am right now. Waiting. I don't like waiting. I don't know of anyone who does. But so be it. I'm interested to see what happens. It's like I'm watching the movie of my life and this is the intermission.

Other than that, I identify myself as an artist and a free spirit (to use some overused modern vernacular). In other words: I'm a hippie. I draw, I paint, I photograph, I write...and I play around with a guitar and a mandolin. I'm a dreamer and a bit of an idealist. But I tend to balance that out with healthy doses of cynicism and realism. I'm a hopeless romantic. I've had my heart shattered and can still love. And that's the most important thing of all: love. That is all I aim for in life: to love and be loved, and to be happy.

An that, in a very small nutshell, is me.